No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
