I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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