I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
