I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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