Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
