I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
