I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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