She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
