did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
