My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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