Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
