So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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