Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
