tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize