He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this just has baby written all over it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
