My hand turned me down
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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