He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it glows. i had to have it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
