I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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