she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
