Operation Purity has been aborted
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
