I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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