Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
