hotel room ftw
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His nipple licking is glorious
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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