all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are all done wearing pants today
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
