She said her name was "party"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
