I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
