Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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