Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
