listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize