Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
