"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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