My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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