I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
