omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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