omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
