last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
