wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
