Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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