He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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