Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
