Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
