yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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