somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
