why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
