No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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