Pants 0. Shit 1.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
