I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I want to make a zoo with you.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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