i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
