just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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