Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
