So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
