so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Actions speak louder than pants.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
