Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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