Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
