And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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