I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You left your phone here
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