I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
