can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
