Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
