I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
