Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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