census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
