The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
