So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
