his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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