ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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